Thursday will be the day Christians celebrate the ascension of Christ to heaven.  Struggling as I am with depression and anxiety at the moment I have been reflecting on what the ascension is saying to me.

To ascend means to rise up.  I have been in the depths of despair and I long to fully rise up out of them.

This week I have decisions to make. To plan to return to work, to resign or ask for constructive dismissal as a result of my health.  The idea of returning to work sends me in to a negative spiral every time I approach it.  That suggests to me returning is not an option.  Resigning.  This is clear and clean but leaves me potentially without a reference.  Constructive dismissal my union representative says will enable me to have a specified leaving date and an agreed reference. She said I might be entitled to some compensation money but morally I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that.

So what is the best thing to do?

I need to decide before Friday. I need to be able to ascend out of the depths and start looking forward and feeling able to heal.